Call Me POP!
by BlueCupcakes
Summary: Popuri freaks, Rick gets a little crazier, and Jack has to live through it all. Will they both drive him on the brink of insanity? A HM:FoMT oneshot. HUGE crack fic, be forewarned.


**Call Me POP!**

**An HM: FoMT Oneshot**

**Summary: Popuri freaks, Rick gets a little crazier, and Jack has to live through it all. Will they both drive him on the brink of insanity? A HM: FoMT oneshot.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon. I don't even own any advil.**

**I told you I would make a complete crack-fic with Rick and Popuri! I hope it's good, though. This came to me when I was half-awake, laying in bed this morning. **

**Warning! Rick and Popuri bashing- sort of. Well, I guess you could call it bashing. So no flames! XD**

**You ever wonder what Popuri thinks of the nick names people make the characters give her in their fics? Well, one nickname affects her a little too much and it's all downhill for Jack.**

**Hope you enjoy! Oh, and, leave a review and what-not. :3**

* * *

If there was one thing I knew, it was that my next door neighbors were completely crazy. Popuri- with her pink hair and abnormal ruby-colored eyes and her brother, Rick- with his insane obsession with chickens. To say they annoyed me was a complete understatement. They completely freaked me out!

And, to be frank; things didn't normally freak me, Jack _**teh awesomenest**_ farmer, out.

It was only early morning and I already wanted to rip my hair out. Popuri was singing again. And when it came to her singing, I wanted to puke all over my farm animals. I know the farm animals didn't do anything to be puked on, but that was the scary power of her horrible singing. Her high pitched, child-like voice screeched for hours, leaving my ears raw. How anyone else in this town can stand it was beyond me.

Going to town sounded like a great idea. Maybe I would be able to get out of hearing range of Popuri's obnoxious singing. I bade good-bye to my farm animals, who were quite glad not to get puke on, and grabbed my rucksack before I left my property.

I walked along the cobblestone path leaving my farm, trying to hurry past the road to the Poultry Farm, where my enemies resided.

"Jacky-Poo!" A voice sing-sang.

Cue queasiness.

Oh, no. She spotted me. "Yes, Popuri?"

The pink-haired devil spawn made her entrance from her farm, giving me a smile mixed a frown. How anyone could do that was beyond my knowledge.

"Jacky, please call me Pop. That's my name you know."

_No, it's not. It's a stupid-little-love-nickname Kai gave you._

I sighed, not wanting to play this game again. That's how everyday went with her. She would tell me to call her Pop whenever I mistakenly called her Popuri.

"I'm not calling you Pop."

"What? Call me _POP_!" She half whined, half cried, and half yelled.

_Advil, anyone?_

I shook my head, crossing my arms against my broad chest. Yeah, you read that right. _**Broad**_ _**chest**_. Heh.

"I refuse."

"Ahhhhh!!" _Popuri_ screamed, ripping some of her pink tresses out of her head.

That had to hurt.

"Why doesn't anyone ever call me Pop?!" She questioned, advancing on me. She still held pink hair in her hands that she had ripped out. My hair hurt just thinking about it. "Kai! Come back to me and call me Pop!"

She was taking this way out of proportion. Just because I didn't call her by the nickname _Kai_ gave her? She was having serious Kai withdrawal, that was for sure. The pink haired devil spawn kept advancing towards me, freaking me out a bit.

Wait- she freaked me out all the time.

Before I knew it, she was reaching for me, getting freaky pink hair in my mouth and eyes. I coughed and hacked as she picked me up off the ground. I flailed my arms and legs about to get her to loosen her hold on me. But it wasn't working. As soon as I wiped the hair off of my tongue, I gagged. "Eyuck," I squealed. Yes, squealed. I'm not happy that I did that. It wasn't manly. "Popuri! Let me go! What do you think you're doing?!"

"I SAID CALL ME POP!"

_Oh my goddess! She threw me! And straight for a house!_

I was struck scream-less and squeal-less (in my situation) as the space between the wall of Popuri's house and myself lessened which each passing moment. I hit the wall with a sickening _thud_. That last thing I heard was…Popuri…talking to herself?

* * *

"BAGAWK!"

_Ugh…Chickens?_

"Bagawk. Bagawk."

"Nnnn. No, mom. Five more minutes!"

"Bagaaaawk!!"

"No, give me back my underwear!" I shot up, my body aching. Stupid chickens waking me up. Who would have thought Popuri had such strength? Rubbing my head, I looked around; eyeing the way Rick was staring at me with large magnified eyes.

Wait- _Rick_?

I looked all around me, with a questioning expression. There was nothing else around. No chickens, no Popuri. Just Rick. Speaking of which, said chicken farmer crouched down to my eye level and stared at me intently.

"Bagawk!"

_Holy crap!_

My eyes went wide while my mouth most definitely hit the ground. Did…did Rick just _bagawk_ like a chicken? Yes, yes I think he did.

Could me day get any weirder?

Rick clicked his tongue a few times before speaking. "Cluck. Cluck. Poor little chicky! Rooster Rick will save you! Cluck!"

No. I take that back. My day _could_ get _way_ out of the norm.

The blonde boy who obviously thought he was a chicken grabbed me by my legs and started dragging me out of his farm. Where the duce was he taking me? I started kicking my legs and even tried communicating with the rooster boy. "Cluck. Rick! Cluck. Let go, cluck!"

He stopped and turned around, still grasping my legs. He wagged his finger at me. "Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. No, cluck, no little chicken. Bagawk!"

I dry-sobbed as "Rooster Rick" dragged me to wherever his hide-out was…_hidden_. I guess that was the case, since hide-outs were named _hide-outs_ for a reason. They needed to be hidden, I guessed. Hold on a second! He was taking me to his hide-out?! _Oh my goddess_! I was going to die!

Too bad I didn't see the up-turned brick in the road that Rick _so_ meant for my head to hit. That darned chicken farmer. Now I was losing consciousness.

* * *

I woke up feeling groggy and with a nasty headache. Where was the advil when you needed it? Groaning, I rubbed my head as I opened my eyes- to see a ruby colored pair of eyes staring down at me.

To say I screamed was an understatement. I full out screamed like a little girl afraid of the monster under her bed. In this case, Popuri being the monster and me being the little girl.

Popuri smiled, for some very odd reason unknown to me. "Jacky-Poo, it's okay! Pop is here!"

Pure horror flashed through my eyes. "Don't call me Jacky-Poo, Popuri!"

She scrunched her nose up in disgust and let out a blood-curdling scream. "DON'T CALL ME POPURI!"

Thank goddess Rick came in the room when he did. I think I would have melted into a puddle. "Cluck, Poppy! Calm down. CLUCK!"

"MY NAME ISN'T POPPY! IT'S POP!"

I sat up in the hospital bed and slapped my forehead, fed up with the both of them. And I said the four words I wanted to say to them for a very long time.

"You guys are freaks!"

* * *

**See? I told you! This crack fic, may I repeat, CRACK FIC, has like, no storyline what-so-ever. I guess there is one, but you really have to squint to see it. But I don't care, because, I just love this so much! It's no story-line and crazy-ness amuses me. And who doesn't laugh at Rick who thinks he is a chicken? Rooster Rick! This is love.**


End file.
